Fast Food Nightmares: Red Robin’s Wise Guy Burger

Red Robin restaurants aren’t as much a household name as McDonald’s or KFC, but with their new burger, the Wise Guy Burger, they sure are making a name for themselves. And not a pretty one.red robin wise guy burger

Red Robin is known for the gourmet burgers that you can personalize – Pineapple slices, french fries, fried eggs, guacamole, bacon strips, fried onions – the options are just as endless as the calories.

In this particular nutritional nightmare, the Wise Guy Burger is part burger, part appetizer. And not the good appetizers like fresh crudites – we’re talking fried mozzarella cheese sticks on top of a burger patty. But that’s not all! Try pepperoni slices, banana peppers, marinara sauce and tomatoes all smothered on top of each other. Fat on top of fat on top of more fat. Oh, and on top of a veggie. It’s no wonder we’re becoming more obese by the meal.

Red Robin isn’t readily sharing the nutrition stats on this burger, so we played with their on-site menu calculator and came up with our closest assessment of the calories, fat and sodium.

The burger loaded with everything except the cheese sticks and banana peppers comes out to:

  • 672 calories
  • 31 g fat
  • 1206 mg sodium

An order of cheese sticks divided down to the serving of three placed on the Wise Guy Burger adds up to:

  • 340.8 calories
  • 20.1 g fat
  • 771 g sodium

The banana peppers are probably the best thing on the entire sandwich, only adding about 40 mg sodium.

That brings this Red Robin Wise Guy Burger to approximately:

  • 1012 calories (half a day’s total)
  • 51 g fat (just shy of a day’s total)
  • 2017 mg sodium (400 mg short of a day’s total)

Yes folks, Red Robin’s Wise Guy Burger has earned its place among other fast food (de)notables with their call-911-because-once-I’m-done-eating-this-I’m-going-to-have-a-heart-attack burger.

I don’t know if you’ll need a bottle of Pepto-Bismol or a pair of cardiogenic shocks once you’ve risked eating this fast food monstrosity. But just to be on the safe side, take both with you.

As far as I’m concerned the only people in this world justified in eating the Wise Guy Burger are no guys at all, but a pregnant woman six weeks deep into her second trimester when cravings are higher than the ozone layer, more intense than the Stanley Cup finals and more bizarre than Lady Gaga’s closet.

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