So many times, in communication, the message can be lost in the delivery. If I am too challenging, as a therapist, before a client trusts me and knows everything I say comes from the motivation to encourage, equip, and empower, then that client can feel judged, which is never my goal.

After much disappointment in not being challenged, this summer I started taking a technique class with a dance troupe that nears perfection in their performances. At my first class, the instructor told me that she understood that I was less than a year out from hip surgery, but I really needed to work on my turnout. I could have gotten frustrated or felt inept, but I was encouraged by the challenge and the possibility of being pushed to a higher level. In that class, I am constantly challenged mentally to figure out what I need to be trying to do physically. I have watched some of the teenagers become very frustrated and miss how much the instructor cares due to her high expectations.

There are definitely people who are not trying to encourage you to be your best, but I would like to challenge you to try to see through the yelling or how someone in your life is speaking and hear what they are trying to say. Sometimes we allow our history with a person to confound a message also, just like you might not hear how much Jillian cares if you are not comfortable with how much a parent yelled. It is important to surround yourself with encouraging people when you are trying to make a life change. It is also important that when you care about someone making a life change, you communicate your encouragement as effectively as possible. Perhaps, if you can hear past the yelling, you will find more people who are a part of your support team.

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Clear Communication Key for Life Changes

One thing I have to guard against on a regular basis is doing too much and overpacking my schedule. As a result, I sometimes feel rushed even when I am not. This morning after assisting my friend to take his great dane to the vet and a quick drop off at doggy daycare, I jumped in my car to get to one of my weekly therapuetic client meetings. I could either get some breakfast on the way or run out for something in the 30 minutes between my client and staff meeting. Still debating my timing until I pulled in to my favorite brunch restaurant, I made the better choice of fresh, local ingredients to go. Dipping my fork into the syrup rather than dumping it on my cinnamon pear french toast was also a wise choice; trying to do so while driving was not…

Warm syrup seeping into your lap is an interesting experience, not one that I necessarily recommend.

Other than don’t eat and drive (in my defense, I was taught to eat and drive in driver’s ed), I think I found a pretty good lesson in the awful stickiness, super-fast shower at my friend’s house, and wearing jeans to work (lucky I at least had those with me!). I could have gotten upset that I was working hard to make good choices and fit them into my busy schedule. I could have decided that next time I would choose the Dunkin’ Donuts drive through instead. I could have thrown out all my good intentions, like the syrup that dumped all over me and my car.

Luckily, I remembered to take a deep breath and consider that such things happen to others (although, syrup?!?). I knew I would not want any of my clients or readers to suffer undue distress or give up after one measly disaster. Making a change is a stressor and it is easy to feel overwhelmed and tempted to give up when something does not go right. It’s easy to let those old negative thinking patterns take hold. Don’t do it. Laugh at yourself. Remember that we all stumble when we are learning to walk, but eventually you will be able to run. Learn that planning ahead can prevent unnecessary stress. Be thankful for wonderful friends who love you anyway and french toast with just a bit too much syrup.

What else have you or could you learn from an embarrassing experience?

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Embarrassing Situations Yield Learning Lessons

My friend Suzi stated on Twitter that she had not changed the number on her driver’s license when she had gained weight, not out of embarrassment but because she had hoped she would get back to that weight. She announced this on Twitter because she was celebrating that as she went to renew her driver’s license she is back at that weight.

Can you be like Suzi and use the number that was once reality as motivation? First, consider if it is an appropriate weight for you. Your weight as a teenager is likely inappropriate for an adult. Perhaps, the weight that you have listed is from sometime in your adulthood or perhaps there is a weight from adulthood which would be a more appropriate goal. Wouldn’t it be great to know with certainty that when you are asked at the DMV that all the information listed is still correct, or to tell them that your address has changed but be able to state that your weight is correct?

I am proud of Suzi and how she has worked for this achievement, and that she is not stopping here. She has made several small dietary changes which have added up to a large change. She slowly built in an exercise plan and recently completed her first 5k race, raising money for Loving South Africa. She has a few more races planned, including the Indy Mini Marathon with me in May. In just seven months, she has lost 20-30 pounds and seven inches! You can acheive amazing things when you find what motivates you!

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What’s Driving Your Motivation to Lose Weight?

Recently, I was able to visit Africa and help deliver supplies to orphanages that did not have electricity, beds, or even windows. They were enthusiastic, but a suitcase of children’s clothes just did not seem like enough. One orphanage told us that they are trying to raise money and just $2500 would build an entirely new building to house 30+ orphans. How could I not think about how much money I spend on frivolous things when there are children sleeping on concrete and not getting enough to eat?

Because we were not allowed to drink the water (for our own health), we stopped at a grocery every day for water and snacks. As I watched others pick up soda and chocolate, I began to think about how much our vices cost, not just us but also those with whom we might share. If health or saving money for yourself is not reason enough to stop smoking, eliminate soda from your diet, or pack your lunch rather than grabbing fast food; would you do it for someone else? Would you donate your cigarette or soda money to feed a child? Perhaps you are trying to raise money for breast cancer research or another cause that is important to you. Where can you save money and cut out non-necessities to make a difference, in both your health and the quality of life for another?

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Help Someone Else Rather than Hurting Your Health

Recovery is an important component of both growth and maintenance. If you run a marathon without proper training, you will probably find it difficult to impossible to walk the next day. If you push yourself too hard, eventually your body will refuse to work. The same thing happens mentally. Have you ever had a tough day at work or had to think too much and found you could not bring yourself to do anything but stare at the TV that evening? Creating a new habit and sticking to a food plan are mental stressors.

You need a break, even to maintain the status-quo of your ability to function. Allow yourself to recover physically and mentally. You also need to take a break if you want to empower yourself to higher achievement, greater endurance, or weight loss. Recovery is an important part of growth. Although we want to push ourselves toward higher achievements, if we do not allow ourselves time to recover between, there will be nothing left to push.

It is not weakness to take a break; it is responsibility. If you push too far, you will not have any thing left to give. If you live at a high level of stress, you may not be able to handle any extra thing and there is always something extra.

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Take a Break to Achieve More

Back are fitness and health expert Jessie Pavelka and psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser as they guide this season’s tribe to making healthy changes in their lives and overcome many of the personal obstacles that have prevented them from losing weight.

Season 2 follows five friends for 120 days as they work together to motivate each other to endure some of the toughest workouts of their lives and adhere to the clean-eating plan they must follow in order to lose the 35-50 pounds that Jessie has challenged them with. In addition, the women must also compete in a triathlon at the end of their four-month journey.

Here’s a sneak peak at the colorful cast of characters that make up DietTribe’s Season 2 tribe:

Sisters Stephanie Taulealea and Tiffany Young have done pretty much everything together including sharing poor eating habits and enduring gastric bypass surgery. Having gained all of the weight back following the procedure, the sisters are committed to taking control of their weight and their lives, once and for all. Learn more about Stephanie and Tiffany from DietsInReview’s personal interview with them.

LaNessa Watson is the only non-mom of the tribe, but it was her rallying that inspired her four other friends to consider joining DietTribe. LaNessa is determined to lose 50 pounds and her low self-esteem, both of which have been weighing her down her whole life.

Mary Lasnier is finally putting herself first. This stay-at-home mom joins her friends in order to take control of her physical and emotional health after having just endured a painful divorce.

Rita Porter is a former athlete who desperately misses her once-fit self. Juggling motherhood and kids, Rita is also placing herself first in order to reclaim her athletic self and keep up with her husband and young children.

Season 2 premieres this Friday, October 2 at 9:00 p.m ET/PT.

DietsInReview.com will be watching all of the episodes and providing you with weekly updates of the tribe’s progress.

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DietTribe Season 2 Premieres October 2

There is benefit to trying something new, shaking things up, or re-focusing. Doing so will re-energize you and put things in perspective. When you need encouragement may be the best time for you to encourage someone else.

Some people have difficulty believing positive messages directed to them even those given to them by themselves. Sometimes it is easier to encourage someone else and share positives messages for them. You may even believe the positive things that you say and find they can be applied to you when you first direct them to someone else.

When you are feeling stuck or you have hit a plateau, use that time to focus on someone else; you will likely emerge energized and refocused. Join someone else’s workout. Send them encouragement. Be a positive voice. You may be the best support for someone else because you understand what will be most helpful and what you would appreciate. You may even be inspired by the progress you see in your friend. In return, your workout buddy will be more likely to be there for you when you need extra encouragement.

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Be the Workout Buddy You Would Like to Have

For those of you who love Ruby, she’s releasing Ruby’s Diary September 8, 2009; and it’s a must for any fan! Filled with deeply personal thoughts, fears and insights, many of which were never revealed on camera, this memoir chronicles her journey up to her current weight loss status, about 150 pounds. Ruby’s Diary simply started out as just that: her own private diary. But as her weight loss journey has cascaded into a story of inspiration and commitment, yet also challenge and difficulty, she decided to share her thoughts and emotions with others.

With chapters like, Ups and Downs, Cravings, Southern Hospitality and Charm, Missing More Than Just Food and Tired of Weighting, Ruby’s Diary discusses the comforts of being obese, the foods she misses most, her favorite meal makeovers, her workouts and a cost-conscious seven-day meal plan which was created by her own dietitian, Kate Melei.

But Ruby’s Diary is more than just food, weight loss and exercise. It’s about Ruby trying to take ownership for her life, assuming responsibility for her past and connecting the pieces of her childhood to the person she is today. Ruby’s Diary is not just for the dieting audience. Rather, this book is meant to inspire anyone who is finding their way through a personal obstacle, whether it’s a food addiction, a substance abuse problem or a relationship issue.

Watch for Ruby’s tour dates as she travels all around the country promoting her new book, available for pre-order now.

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Ruby’s Diary: Reflections on All I’ve Lost and Gained

I also have lost more weight than any Biggest Loser contestant, 221.4 pounds to be exact. I did it all in a year without surgery or pills, and have maintained it for four months.

Losing weight is a funny thing. At 420 pounds, people advised me on so many diets. There was Atkins, Zone, Carb Haters, Carb Lovers, Protein Dandy, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Weight Watchers, and of course the “all-purpose” berry.

What if I told you the “Diet” has very little to do with losing weight.

Most diets work. If they did not, they would not be successful.

Diets are like snowflakes as well, two people have never lost weight the exact same way.

What losing weight takes is heart!

I recently came up with a very simple challenge called “The Missouri 60.”

One day at work my boss came up to me and was pointing out a lot of things I need to fix. The stoves needed detailing, the server’s shirts needed to be pressed, etc. Before I was going to explain, he glared at me and said:

“Hey Tony, I do not want to hear it. Just do it. See, I am from Missouri. Get it! Missouri. Show me baby!”

I finally realized Missouri is the “Show Me” state.

After fixing all of the issues, I thought about my weight loss. I did not lose the weight on a special top-secret diet that will make me millions. I lost the weight by finding a plan that worked and doing it.

So here are the rules for my challenge. Get a huge pad of paper and a pen with a lot of ink! Ready.

• Take a picture of yourself
• For the next 60 days, learn about yourself and show yourself how great you can be.
• After 60 days, take another picture and compare.

Sounds silly, right? Well, most people hate taking pictures of themselves, and most people cannot dedicate themselves for 60 days.

I can tell you, if you can do this, you will be a better person. You will have more confidence, you will make better decisions, and you will find a plan that works for you.

Show yourself how great you can be!

Learn more about Tony Posnanski’s story here at DietsInReview.com.

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Creating Your Own 60-Day Diet

Ruby seeks outside advice, which pits the professionals in her life against one another. And as is Ruby’s style, she leans on her support group of friends to help her sort through the trainer confusion.

Never taking these matters lightly, Ruby did what so many people working to lose weight have to do sometimes – think of herself and her needs. The end result is that Ruby fired her trainers.

“What in the helicopter did I do,” was the Rubyism that came after she attempted to help her nephew get a home tan. Instead, Ruby enlisted the professionals at her tanning salon to help out the kid. She also talks about how tanning is something she often does for herself because it makes her feel thin. That statement is so much more than a superficial fake tan – it’s doing something that you enjoy, for yourself, that helps you keep the goal in mind. It’s a non-food reward for your successes.

Think of what that treat could be for yourself, and use it as motivation to reach your weight loss goals right alongside Ruby!

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Ruby Recap – Season 2 Episode 2