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Jim Gaffigan’s Hilarious Food Rules for Everyone Not to Live by

food-love-story

Jim Gaffigan recently recently his second book entitled Food: A Love Story. Gaffigan, if you are unfamiliar with his brand of humor, is a hilarious, honest, satirical comedian. He previously wrote the book Dad is Fat, in which he reels on fatherhood with five young children. And in similar fashion in his newest release, Gaffigan has his readers rolling with his honest take on food. He says the things we all may be thinking, but we all may not be saying. Gaffigan explores everything from American food consumption to the questionable purpose of kale.

Though the entire book is quotable, we probably can’t republish it here. So we’re sharing a few of Gaffigan’s best food rules to abide by. (Or, to not abide by, but to at least laugh at.)

Jim Gaffigan’s Hilarious Food Rules for Everyone

1. Never take advice from skinny people.

“When a thin person announces, “Here’s a great taco place,” I kind of shut down a little. How do they know it’s so great? From smelling the tacos?”

Now maybe this isn’t fair. Of course there are plenty of skinny people who know great food when they taste it, and of course there are plenty of skinny people that like particular foods that other not-so-skinny people might also enjoy. The point is, Gaffigan’s point is hilarious.

2. Steak is a big deal.

“…because consuming a steak is one of the great pleasures we get to experience during our short time on this planet.”

Gaffigan describes his confusion toward his father’s love for steak as a child, though he touchingly concludes just why it was so important to him throughout his life. Steak can be particularly fancy, and I think we all know that.

3. Gravy is not a beverage.

Our eyes met, and he gave me a warm Midwestern smile as if to say, “Hey, how’s it going?” I nodded and said hello and was only a bit more than slightly tempted to exclaim, “You realize you’re drinking gravy, right?”

Gaffigan pokes a lot of fun at Midwesterners, a title he himself holds, and though I must add that not all Midwest-residents probably drink gravy, this story is too good to pass up. It’s one of the best LOL anecdotes in the entire book!
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The 16 Most Hilariously Terrifying Holiday Fitness Stock Photos

holiday-stock-photos

I’d like to sit in on the photoshoot brainstorming where someone sees a need for poorly dressed, overly excitable models to pose for completely unrealistic holiday pictures. We’ve consolidated the 16 best (or worst) images (17 if you count the thumbs-up weight loss gal) so that you can join us in shuddering to some pure unadulterated what the Frosty is going on here confusion. Try to focus on happy sugar plums or sing a line of “Jingle Bells” if necessary…

 

Ho-ho-hold on a second. I don’t want anyone like this sliding down my chimney.

1 santa barbell

Because one creepy Santa photo isn’t enough.

3 santa weights

Help your kids eat more veggies by putting a terrifying Santa on top! A day’s worth of vitamins with a side of nightmares.

4 santa veggies
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17 Most LOL Food and Fitness Puns, Featuring Michelle Obama

Sure, they’re super cheesy and a little overplayed at times, but you know you can’t help but crack a smile and a you-got-me laugh when the perfect pun comes along. With as heavy a scene as we all try to paint when it comes to our food and fitness, it feels good to look at all of it from the lighter side. And this week, we have first lady Michelle Obama to thank for the cunning reminder that puns, are in fact, fun!

Enjoy our favorite actual laugh out loud puns!

1. FLOTUS throws it down.

She’s nacho average first lady! #turnipforwhat

2. Oh my Quad, Becky!

…It’s like one of those rap guys girlfriends.

oh my quad becky

FitBottomedGirls

3. What the Kale?!

So many kale puns, so little time.

kale yeah
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David Sedaris Is “Obsessed” With His FitBit

Fitness tracking technology is a great way to both stay motivated to get enough exercise, and track how well you’re doing. However, I think we all know a few people who take their fitness tracking to an extreme; doing anything in the name of adding extra steps to their daily count. Maybe they walk to the restroom more times than absolutely necessary or pace while brushing their teeth. Perhaps they always take the long way on a walk – no matter how much extra time it adds (or how late it makes their kids for school).

walking

Using a fitness tracker, like a Fitbit, can drive people a little crazy about tracking their activity. Writer David Sedaris takes an entertaining look at the obsession created by Fitbits in this article for The New Yorker.

“‘Every little bit helps,’ my old friend Dawn, who frequently eats lunch while hula-hooping and has been known to visit her local Y three times a day, said. She had a Fitbit as well, and swore by it. Others I met weren’t quite so taken…To people like Dawn and me, people who are obsessive to begin with, the Fitbit is a digital trainer, perpetually egging us on. During the first few weeks that I had it, I’d return to my hotel at the end of the day, and when I discovered that I’d taken a total of, say, twelve thousand steps, I’d go out for another three thousand.”


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7 Lessons Dr. Seuss Taught Us About Diet and Fitness

In the popular Dr. Seuss book Oh the Places You Will Go, he cautiously warns readers about the road ahead.

“I’m sorry to say so / but, sadly, it’s true / that Bang-ups / and Hang-ups / can happen to you… Be sure when you step. / Step with care and great tact / and remember that Life’s / a Great Balancing Act.”

You can apply his thoughts to your life in general, or break it down to summarize one particular area, like relationships, weight loss, work, or politics. “All things in moderation” is a common cliche, but one that rings true, especially when it comes to how we care for ourselves.

In light of the highly anticipated release of The Lorax on the big screen today, we thought we’d look at the lessons Dr. Seuss taught us about diet, fitness, and moderation. The messages weren’t always obvious, but we like to think they were subtly worked in to the whimsical stories.

View The Dr. Seuss Diet Slideshow

Also Read: The Very Hungry Caterpillar’s Diet