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FitCrypt



What Did You Just Say? Bingo Wings and Mommy Muffins as Slang for Lost Weight

According to Shakespeare, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. However true that may be, we think that extra weight being called muffin tops or saddlebags is a lot funnier than just calling it extra weight. We bring you this tale from the Fit Crypt with hilarious nicknames people have attached to their excess poundage. Maybe they’ve gotten rid of it, maybe they haven’t, but either way we are glad they can laugh about it.

One mom knew that baby belly wasn’t enough for the swell of skin that was left after the arrival of her two darling children. In her book A Laugh Out Loud, Pee In Your Granny Panties, Guide to New Mommyhood, Katie Vale Kinder apologizes to the women who became moms before her for judging their postpartum bodies. She came in to the fold of moms with a little extra padding as well, and came up with name FUPA for her extra weight. “It is totally dirty and stands for fat upper pubic area,” she told us. “It isn’t your vagina and it isn’t your stomach, but your FUPA! It’s the extra body part developed after you have a baby!”

We knew Katie wasn’t the only one poking a little fun at the new look of her body, so we set out to find a few other people willing to reveal their weighty nicknames.
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First Time Fitness Flops: Your Most Awkward Moments in the Gym

Because I am a clumsy person who regularly walks into doors, Zumba was not the best fit for me. I tried it a few years ago in an effort to broaden my fitness horizons. I thought, “I can do this. There’s old people in there and they’re having a great time!” I would always walk out feeling a bit out of sorts, though: I hadn’t gotten a great workout, it wasn’t very fun for me, and the room was covered in mirrors so everyone could see my lack of rhythm. I came to terms with this, reasoning that it’s not the end of the world that I will never be anything close to a decent salsa performer or belly dancer.

Similar stories to mine are not hard to find, I’m happy to say. Sometimes we try a new exercise or sport and we’re so terrible we never do it again; other times it was just that first time that was awkward and then we get the hang of it. This week’s Fit Crypt brings together the incompetence in all of us.
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Tales of Things You Can’t Unsee at the Gym Locker Room

The gym locker room – a room segregated by gender for changing clothes and filled with lockers for storage and safe-keeping of personal belongings. Some may include amenities such as showers, saunas and bathroom stalls. This description might be similar to the one found in a gym’s membership booklet or even the dictionary. But in reality, a better use of words to describe the place would be creepy, embarrassing, awkward and sometimes horrific. In this installment of Tales from the FitCrypt, gossip is all about the OMG locker room horror stories.

On a normal day in the locker room, you’ll definitely see a few not-so-modest people walking around in nothing but their birthday suit (like you didn’t already know). What some of you, and I mean you ladies, might not know about is how men are using the hair dryers on their side of the locker room. It’s not for the hair on their heads if you couldn’t guess, but for drying the hair on their private parts. In order to make sure they’re getting the job done right, many will prop one leg up on the nearest bench, exposing everything they have to offer. While trying to dig up some locker room dirt, this story not only came up first but was also given to me by several sources. I now know what’s at the top of the men’s locker room complaints!
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Marathon Runners’ Most Embarrassing Moments: From Porta-Potties to Minnie Mouse

Marathons are always memorable. The grueling task of traveling 26.2 miles on foot leaves permanent marks on our mind. While the thrill of crossing the finish line is often a favorite moment for all marathoners, those 26.2 miles can leave us with many other flashbacks as well. Marathoning can get messy, brutal, and downright embarrassing at times. Here are some of the most unique marathon moments from fellow runners across the country.

One of the most uncomfortable moments in my marathoning career occurred just feet after the 2011 Boston Marathon starting line. Runners had been lined up in corrals for some time with no bathrooms in sight, the first chance to go was in the brush just off the street before mile one. The brush was shallow and the runners were in a hurry. I’d never seen so many bare backsides in my life. Men and women alike were squatting and some very boldly doing more than number one right in plain sight. All I could do was look straight forward because they were everywhere!

April Reed of Wichita, KS was honest enough to admit being in a bad situation at the San Diego Marathon. “I peed in downtown San Diego right off the street in some low lying bushes. I think I came out of the bush before I really had my pants up.”

Jenny Poore of Chicago, IL explained how her bladder got the best of her at mile 22 during the Chicago Marathon. She could have stopped but she was having a great race so she just let nature take its course, down her legs. “I’m not ashamed. It was exhilarating. Just glad I don’t have a photo with water spewing everywhere. hahaha!”
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The Worst Gym Goer Habits that Grind Your Gears

Gyms are where a majority of people go to work on their health and fitness. They’re supposed to be a place where you go to release stress and the only person you really have to worry about is yourself. Though, sometimes when you are at the gym you can’t help but watch other people, and they can’t help but put themselves right in your line of sight.

For this week’s FitCrypt, I asked “What are annoying habits you see at your local gym?” I received an flood of emails from people telling me their stories about annoying gym habits.

The number one annoying gym habit is men making loud obnoxious grunting noises. If you’re in the weight room with even a couple of other guys, then chances are you’ve heard the loud grunting noises right before a guy is about to lift 150 pounds over his bench limit. Its like he is making a mating call to get everyone’s attention directed toward him.

You guys also called out the following as some of the most annoying gym habits:
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