Welcome to the premiere episode of Vh1’s Money Hungry. My name is Josh Graston, and I’m one of the show’s contestants from the Team No Excuses and I will be your guide in this exclusive journey into the world of Bet Dieting. So, with no further adieu, I welcome you to VH1’s Money Hungry.
At the very start of the episode we see the bus loaded with all of the cast trying to make it up the driveway, and our driver Jimmy informing us that we were going to have to walk up the driveway. The cameras did not do the driveway justice, I am here to tell you it was quite steep.
Next we meet our host Dan Cortese. I was genuinely excited that we had a host that I actually recognized, although I kind of wanted a female host. Dan explains the way that our $10,000 entry fee for the show works. The final two teams each receive their entry fee back, with the winning team taking home EVERYONE else’s money, for a grand total of $100,000. Right before we head into the house Dan tells us if we break anything we own it, foreshadowing at its best.
Quickly Kaitlyn and Phillip get the party started with bodyshots, giving us our first glimpse at the amazing sound effects featured on the show. Dan Cortese shows up shortly after and we meet each of the teams and find out their team names.
Money Hungry Teams and Contestants:
- The Slenderellas/The Gold Team: Kaitlyn and Jackie, two weight-loss camp friends.
- Team Mission Slimpossible/The Orange Team: Mark and Joe. Two friends and former coworkers from Staten Island NY (watch out Snooki)
- The Regulators/The Black Team: Po and Dave. Two bouncers and former football players.
- The Rocker Moms/The Red Team: Beth and Carrie. Two best friends/moms who sold their cars to fundraise, as well as had Beth’s husband strip for $89.
- Chicago Deep Dish/The Brown Team: Marilu and Bridget: Two drinking buddies who put up THEIR OWN MONEY. Rumor has it Bridget Turned tricks.
- The Grading Curves/The Green Team: Missy and Tricia: Two teachers from Chicago who were smart enough to do some raffles and fundraisers to get their $10,000.
- Double Chocolate/The Teal Team: Tammy and Georgette. Georgette goes by GL and if you can’t remember it just pretend you are in church and say GOOD LORD and snap your fingers. These two friends bring some wholesome to this crazy VH1 show.
- Family Sized/The Taupe Team: Denise and Katy, the only family team in the house are a mother/daughter team. It is obvious that Denise, Mama-D, is there for Katy.
- No Excuses/Blue Team: Josh and Melissa (hey that’s me!) Two best friends who have never been single at the same time.
- Pair of Nuts/Pink Team: Yamil and Johnny, a professional comedy duo from Miami who seemed way too happy to be the pink team. Bromance anyone?!
- The Roll Models/Purple Team: Jamie and Shante, two friends who used to be an all-girl singing group together.
- Team Flabulous/White Team: Philip and Stephanie, two friends from Chicago who bonded over their connective attitudes.
After we are introduced to all the teams Dan informs us that we are having one final feast before the weigh-in in the morning, and feast we did. Everything you can imagine was there: pizza/hamburgers/spaghetti/mac and cheese/lamb/cake/ribs/and yes, even salad. You can tell everyone was thinking about adding some extra pounds before the official weigh-in the next day.
Staying true to the idea of one last night of freedom, we see Philip drinking red wine, bottle after bottle. He and Stephanie get into an argument and we had our first breakage of the night, Philip’s glass broke against Stephanie’s, and an argument ensues. This was interesting to see as there were so many things you just didn’t see in the house but heard about secondhand.
Shortly after we see a table break after GL and Yamil stand on it, and then a piece of lawn furniture snap while Kaitlyn was laying on it, I must say though, whoever thought that going to IKEA for a fat house’s furniture should be fired. I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.
Cut to Philip, now in the hot tub.. but wait.. something is missing.. HIS SHORTS. He was stark naked swimming around in the pool and hot tub. And in a TV first, we see Phillip display the ability to lick his own nipples. Are they even allowed to show this on TV? Phillip paid for his partying ways shortly thereafter, as he spent most of the night puking. Big props to his partner Stephanie for taking care of him and cleaning up after him.
The next morning starts early as we head up to the gym official weigh-in and to meet the doctor for the house, Doctor Alwin Lewis. Now, I will only say this once, but I am pretty sure he could be Jim Carrey’s stunt-double.
The weigh-ins are shocking. The smallest girl in the house is Tricia at 193 pounds, the largest girl being Kaitlyn at 402 pounds. Talk about a gap! The smallest guy is Joe V at 243 and the largest guy is Dave at 467. The smallest team is Double Chocolate at 451 and largest is Regulators at 850. It is shocking to say this but Dave weighs more than the smallest TEAM.
We are told the team that loses the lowest percentage of weight this week will be going home. There is no challenge or vote this week.
We then meet the trainer, Richard Cascioli, and immediately we head into a workout. Richard the trainer may by referred to in the future as ‘Mapquest’, because his veins have to lead somewhere! As the sweat pours, emotions start to rise. We see Phillip upset about how far he has let himself slip, I can attest to the fact that a lot of us were feeling the same way by the end of that first workout.
We see clips of Jamie’s dance routine workout, and I can tell you that this girl was always dancing. We also see a pool workout lead by yours truly. However, the Pair of Nuts had something else in mind.. PINK THONGS. In what is, I’m sure, another reality TV first, we see two the Pair of Nuts in pink thongs getting into the Jacuzzi and pool. My favorite line of the whole show is when Johnny points to Carrie’s hair (which is blue and pink) and says, “My thong matches your hair.” We hear that some of the teams are already questioning The Pair of Nuts motives for being on the show…
The next morning Joe and Marco from Mission Slimpossible have a GIANT blowup, over Mark sleeping in. This might be the segment of the show that the highest amount of profanity bleeps.
We see Momma-D tucking in Katie, who is dead after an exhausting day in the gym. I think this visual sums up what those first few days in the house were like. You worked until you went to bed, and you didn’t sleep, you crashed.
We sleep Phillip working out more and more, and even running non-stop for 45 seconds. This is a HUGE accomplishment at his size, and I wish they would have given it more credit.
Next we see the Pair of Nuts shaving Johnny’s head in order to cut off a few ounces of weight. According to the Nuts “hair weighs more than fat”, oh you guys.
We cut to the final workout, and I’m working hard. We had been going for a few hours that morning and we see me doing step-ups on the bleachers with a knee thrown in at the end. Suddenly I collapse and just fall over. Now, I don’t remember ANY of this, but judging by the video I landed on an exercise ball and rolled in the air to land on my stomach. The next thing you know I am waking up and there is a medic in my face. Nothing like passing out on national television to increase your street cred, right?
We are now at the weigh-in, time for someone to go home. Everyone is nervous and nobody knows how much to expect to lose. The first team to go up is the Regulators, and they pull an outstanding 34 pounds, or 4.0%. That sets the ‘bar’ for the evening. The team that has the lowest percentage has to stand next to Dan Cortese until someone replaces them or they are sent home. Deep Dish goes next and pulls 21 pounds, for 4.57%. Pair of Nuts is up next, losing 15 pounds for 2.76%. The Pair of Nuts now sits on the block while Slenderellas lose 3.41%, No Excuses loses 3.73%, Double Chocolate loses 2.88%, Mission Slimpossible loses 4.53%, Roll Models lose 4.39%, Grading Curves lose 2.39%.. now replacing the Pair of Nuts on the chopping block. With three teams left who will go home?!
Family Sized only lose a combined 11 pounds, for a percentage of 1.77%. I remember being SHOCKED at this, after how hard Katie worked I think we all just expected a bigger number. Rocker Moms are up next and lose 2.31%, they are safe. The last team to weigh-in is Flabulous… in my head I’m flashing back to the work that I saw both teams put in and at this point, and I can’t tell who I think is going home. It is too close to call. Flabulous weighs in and pulls 3.22% and sends Family Sized home.