You always hear that saying about people looking for the greener grass, but they never find it. However, I’m here to tell you that I’ve actually found the greener grass. It’s on the other side of cancer survival. I’m a survivor and I don’t need a doctor to tell me that I am clean, I know it already and I feel it inside.
I say the grass is greener because before my diagnosis, I was just living my life, day to day. I would say I was happy, but I was only putting in half the effort. It’s like when everyone around you says you’re “on fire,” but you know down deep inside you the fire could burn better and brighter. No one can do anything about making the fire burn better but you.
Then you get this life-changing diagnosis and you think that you may die sooner than you expected, but you get a second chance and WOW! What a difference.
Of course, I have my moments of being down and depressed and trying to wish the whole experience away, but it doesn’t work that way. I have to play the hand that I have been dealt.
Then I realized that all the “stuff” I wanted and wished for wasn’t even necessary. I had what was important, a loving husband, great kids, marvelous grandkids and a “super duper” support group of family and friends who were always there to help. Everything else was just “wants.” So when I began to really look at the grass on the other side of this journey, I realized that it was much greener because I saw it for what it was instead of putting a fantasy picture on it.
If I had to do it over would I wish for the diagnosis again? Of course not! But what I would wish for is this great calm that I have now, without having to go through what I have gone through to get it. But maybe that was the point?
March 7th, 2012